What Is Love? The Biology and Psychology of Falling In Love

What is love? The more we learn about falling in love, the more mysterious it becomes. Falling in love can be agony and ecstasy… freedom and slavery.

When people talk about love, they’re usually referring to interpersonal love. It is an experience felt by a person for another person. Love is usually experienced by couples as well as family members and friends.

According to applied psychologist, Scott Peck: “Love is a combination of concern for the spiritual growth of another and simple narcissism. Love is an activity, not simply a feeling.”

This article covers the biology and psychology of falling in love and staying in long-term relationships. Click here to read articles which cover the true meaning of love and finding true love with your soulmate.

Psychologists view love as a cognitive, social and cultural phenomenon. Biological models of love view it as a basic drive similar to hunger and thirst. Biology and psychology are closely intertwined in love.

Love is influenced by biological factors, such as, hormones, neurotrophins and pheromones. How people think and behave in love is influenced by cognitive, social and cultural factors as well as biological factors.

Based on the conventional view in biology, there are two major drives in love: attachment and sexual attraction. All forms of love have varying combination of these psychological components: intimacy, attachment, caring, commitment and passion.

• Intimacy is when two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives.
• Caring is having affection for another person.
• Attachment involves bonding which promotes lasting relationships.
• Commitment is the expectation that the relationship is permanent.
• Passion involves intense longing. It is often accompanied by sexual attraction and physiological arousal.

Helen Fisher is an anthropologist and human behavior researcher as well as an expert on love and attraction. She wrote the book,  Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.

According to Dr. Fisher, there are three stages of romantic interpersonal love:

• Lust  –  It involves a craving for sex with the object of desire. This is associated with increased testosterone and estrogen.
• Attraction — The object of desire develops a special meaning in the early stages of romantic love.
• Attachment –  Development of deep feelings of bonding with a partner.
  

Love for different people starts off with any of these stages. Some people start with lust and have sex with someone new then they fall in love. Some people start with attraction and falling in love then they have sex. Others form deep feelings of attachment and love; then they develop lust and have sex.

According to Dr. Fisher, lust evolved to promote mating with different partners. Attraction and attachment evolved to develop pair-bonding; this offered a more cooperative way to raise children.

Studies have shown that people in love release certain chemicals in the brain, including pheromones, serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals stimulate the brain’s pleasure center. They lead to increased heart rate and intense feeling of excitement as well as loss of appetite and sleeplessness. This stage generally lasts between 1.5 years to 3 years.

Enzo Emmanuele and his research team also identified the neurotrophin, nerve growth factor (NGF), as a biochemical mediator of falling in love in humans. NGF levels are increased when people first fall in love, but they return to previous levels after one year.

The brain scans of people infatuated or newly in love resemble those with mental illness. New love shows activation of the same area of the brain for hunger, thirst and drug addiction. As the reaction to love becomes mellow over time, different areas of the brain are stimulated; brain activation in these areas are associated with long-term relationships.

Long-term relationships are associated with increased levels of two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin.

The primary role of vasopressin is to regulate water retention in our body. It has also been shown to influence monogamous pair bond formation in animals.

Oxytocin, which is also called the cuddle hormone, has multiple roles in social behaviors in humans and many species. Studies have shown that oxytocin is associated with social bonding and behaviors necessary in developing caring and loving relationships. Increased plasma levels of oxytocin have been shown to be positively correlated with increased romantic attachment.

Being in love and having a lasting relationship are influenced by hormones, neurotrophins and pheromones as well as other biological factors. How people think and behave in loving relationships are influenced by many cognitive, social and cultural factors as well as biological factors.

With the surge of hormones, pheromones and other powerful chemicals experienced by people in love, it’s hardly surprising that it’s hard for lovers to think straight.

According to Dr. Fisher, romantic love starts intensely and the object of desire takes on a “special meaning” for someone in love. The focus is on the things the lover adores about the beloved and any negative things are often ignored. This can explain why huge “red flags” which can be harmful to someone in love are often missed.

Instead of more rational thinking, people in love are distracted by behavior induced by pheromones, hormones and other chemicals, such as, mood swings, possessiveness, emotional dependence, separation anxiety and elation as well as obsessive thinking. Physical symptoms are also exhibited, including shortness of breath and pounding of the heart as well as inability to eat and sleep.

Love can be more intense than the sex drive. Sexual rejection does not lead to depression, suicide or homicide. In contrast, unrequited love can lead to depression. Some people live for love… die for love… or even kill for love.

As we learn more about the complex biology and psychology of falling in love, the idea that two strangers from completely different cultural and social backgrounds are able to fall in love and develop long-term relationships becomes even more amazing.

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