Love and Soul Mate Compatibility: If Love Is Not Enough — How Do You Really Build a Relationship That Works?

By Allie Mendoza

If you have love and soul mate compatibility, will you have a relationship that lasts? No, not necessarily. Love is not enough to keep millions of couples from breaking up or getting a divorce — not even compatibility with your soul mate is enough. It’s a good start, but most couples assume that having compatibility in love is going to be enough to keep their relationships from ending badly.

by mandaloo

Sadly, finding your soul mate is not enough. Even finding true love is not enough. It’s only in the movies that we see couples falling in love and magically living happily ever after — no matter what gets in their way.

Unfortunately, in real life we don’t have magic to keep relationships going well. In real life, we have real problems. We have to deal with unemployment, stressful jobs, difficult bosses or customers, PMS, obesity, health issues, childcare, care-giving for our aging parents, exams and school work, housework, foreclosures, financial problems and many other romance-killing and relationship-ending situations.

I used to think that maybe if you’re really compatible with your partner or spouse, this can keep you from breaking up or getting a divorce. However, this is just a variation of magical thinking. Sure, it can happen if we didn’t have real life to deal with. But, having real life always means having real problems that go along with it.

I finally have this insight that has helped me understand why finding your true love or your soul mate is not enough to have a relationship that lasts. It’s not enough, it’s only a good start. It’s hard to believe, but millions of couples who end up breaking up or getting divorced have started their relationship being truly in love with their soul mate. Most couples who end up battling or actually hating each other started out being compatible with each other! So, what happened?

Why is true love or compatibility not enough to keep couples — not even soul mates — in a happy relationship that lasts?

True love or compatibility is not a destination or a place that you end up in life. Compatibility with your true love and soul mate is a process — and this process is always changing! This process is always being challenged by the realities of your life. Under the best of conditions, this process will be challenged by your personal growth and development — how you end up becoming the person you are meant to be.

When you are compatible with your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner or spouse, you are compatible with that person today or even this year or this decade. However, there is no guarantee that your compatibility will remain unchanged for this lifetime. More likely, your compatibility is guaranteed to change.

What does compatibility involve?

The simplistic answer to this is that being compatible with someone means you like similar things in life — your values and view of life are similar. So, you can get along pretty well. But, what does it really mean to be compatible with someone?

Being compatible with someone involves being in a relatively similar level of emotional intelligence and spiritual development. This is the reason why when you are compatible with someone, it can be exhilarating! And when you’re not compatible, it can be so distressing!

Why does incompatibility cause so much pain and suffering?

Incompatibility with someone we love causes a lot of pain, anxiety, strain, sorrow and suffering. The dictionary offers this definition of incompatibility: incapable of existing together in harmony; opposed in character. The problem is that we don’t view or experience incompatibility as a process.

What makes matters worse is that we read a lot of unnecessary things into incompatibility. How often have you heard battling couples hurl these accusations against each other? You don’t love me anymore! You’re just doing that to drive me crazy!

Of course, there are couples who shouldn’t be together. They’re not just incompatible — their relationships are downright toxic or abusive.

For most couples in a relatively healthy relationship, incompatibility is a necessary stage in their relationship — it’s a process that they have to get through in order to get to know each other to the very depths of their heart and soul. Couples who can learn to work around their momentary or even longer-term incompatibility are rewarded with deeper and more satisfying relationships.

What is the truth about compatibility?

Your compatibility with someone you love will be affected by real issues in real life. When you’re dealing with challenges in your life, it can put your relationship at risk with momentary incompatibility. In today’s stressful society, many relationships are at risk of falling apart. You’re just not at your best when you’re under a lot of stress — you may even be horrible to deal with.

Under the best of circumstances — when you’re just undergoing the normal process of personal growth and development — you can end up at a different level of emotional intelligence and spiritual development as your loved one.

Even if you’re going to end up at a relatively similar level of emotional intelligence and spiritual development as your loved one, you may get there at a different speed — or you may use different paths!

When you’re out of synch with your loved one, you can experience incompatibility. This actually affects all relationships we have in our life.

What’s the solution?

Unfortunately, life doesn’t offer any guarantees. You can end up at a totally different level of emotional intelligence and spiritual development as your loved one — or you can just be out of synch. Either way, you are likely to experience periods of incompatibility in your relationship(s).

How you handle you momentary or longer-term incompatibility can determine whether you will have difficulties in your relationships which can be resolved or you will ultimately end up growing apart.

If your incompatibility with your loved one has turned toxic or unhealthy in any way, it’s absolutely necessary to get help. Maybe, you can save your relationship — if you can get the help. Or maybe you can let it go — if you can get the help. Sometimes, you have to let something go in order to make room for what you really need in your life to be happy. Only you can give yourself the right answer as to what you really need in your life.

If you want to increase your chances of staying happily together during periods of incompatibility, there are critical relationship-building skills you have to learn.

Actually, there are gazillion relationship-building ideas out there. But, who really has time to do all that stuff? It’s too overwhelming to even figure out what to do! My belief is that you should only focus on the 20% that can bring you 80% of your results. So, there’s no need to stress out.

The most powerful way to build a deep and satisfying relationship is through communication.

Effective Communication and Listening Skills: The Most Powerful Tools for Building and Nurturing a Relationship That Works

Your communication skills are the most powerful tools you can have in building a relationship that works. In turn, your listening skills as you communicate can help you nurture a deep and satisfying relationship.

By learning how to communicate better and listen effectively, you can nurture meaningful relationships with loved ones as well as other people in your life. You can have relationships that can feed your heart and soul!

Heart-to-heart connections with your loved ones require heart-to-heart communication and listening skills. These skills are extremely valuable when you’re just dating, when you want to maintain, improve or re-kindle the love and passion in your romantic relationship as well as when you want to have a deeper, emotional connection with your parents, children, friends and other loved ones. They’re even useful in improving your working relationship with your employers, employees and co-workers.

Benefits of having effective communication and listening skills:

• You can have deeper, more meaningful connections and more rewarding relationships with your loved ones.
• You can learn how to better understand, accept, appreciate and value your loved ones and others.
• You can develop more intimacy and passion in your romantic relationships.
• You can teach others how you want to be treated. You can learn how to ask for what you want and need; within reason and depending on the circumstances of everyone involved, you can get better satisfaction of your wants and needs.
• You can teach others what makes you feel cherished and treasured. You can also learn how to reciprocate more effectively.
• You can learn how to relate better with others as well as how to deal with differences and compatibility issues more effectively.
• You can prevent power struggles with others by learning to effectively respect and value their ways.
• You can prevent many misunderstandings, conflicts and unnecessary fights. You can avoid more heartaches and avoid hurting other people.
• When you have fights, you can resolve them in more creative and productive ways.

You can have greater satisfaction and happiness in your personal relationships by learning how to communicate and listen more effectively. By learning these skills, you can nurture true love — and experience real love in real life. Instead of some misguided ideal of a perfect love in a perfect relationship, people in the real world have to deal with the day-to-day realities and challenges of life while building satisfying relationships with loved ones and others.

Without learning effective communication and listening skills, it’s almost impossible to build deep, emotional connections with others. And many people — even those who have been able to build great relationships with loved ones and others — can easily lose their sense of connection due to conflicts, issues, differences, incompatibilities and other challenges in life.

Effective communication and listening skills are the most powerful tools for building relationships that work. You can nurture deep and satisfying relationships with loved ones and other people in your life. You can have relationships that can feed your heart and soul.

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